Broken
by xX-Natasja-Xx
Summary: Meredith left Seattle when Derek didn't sign the divorce papers, pregnant of their baby. What will happen after that? Contains unexpected friendships, sickness and the meeting between daughter and father years later.. will be MerDer at the end. I'm not good at summary's so just read and find out yourself. please R&R thank you
1. Introduction

**Broken  
Chapter 1. Introduction**

Disclaimer:

Not owning a thing, sad isn't it? But although I love making up my own stories, I think Shonda does a good job on the show itself!.

**xx-natasja-xx**

**Introduction.**

when I listened to the song Broken Hearted Girl from Beyoncé, an idea for a new fanfic pulled up in my thoughts.

But actually I have to admit that it isn't a brand new idea at all! A couple years ago I deleted my fanfics from here to change the grammar.. but then my laptop crashed and I lost them all! Including my 6 chapters from The Climb – I will find him.  
This fanfic will have the same kind of storyline that I've had with the other.. So if anyone of you recognize it a bit, that's the reason.

Anyway the first chapter should be up soon, and for now I'm just posting the lyrics to this story.

Please R&R on this fanfic and let me know what you think, and hell yeah; you even can come up with suggestions and I will see if they fit in the storyline.

**Enjoy reading xxx..**

p.s One last thing; I'm Dutch so be kind on me with some grammatical mistakes, and if I make some tell me in a pm or something so I can improve them! And my English=)

**xx-natasja-xx**

You're everything I thought you never were  
And nothing like I thought you could have been  
But still you live inside of me  
So tell me how is that is

You're the only one I wish I could forget  
The only one I love to not forgive  
And thought you break my heart  
You're the only one

And though there are times when I hate you  
Cause I can't erase the times that you hurt me  
And put tears on my face  
And even now while I hate you its pains me to say  
I know I'll be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe  
I don't want a broken heart  
Don't wanna take a breath without you babe  
I don't want to play that part  
I know that I love you but let me just say  
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no  
I don't want a broken heart  
And I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl no no  
No broken-hearted girl  
I'm no broken-hearted girl

There's something that I feel I need to say  
But up 'til now I've always been afraid  
That you would never come around  
And still I wanna put this out  
You say you got the most respect for me  
But sometimes I feel you're not deserving of me  
And still you're in my heart  
But you're the only one

And yes there are times when I hate you  
But I don't complain  
Cause I've been afraid that you would walk away  
Oh but now I don't hate you I'm happy to say  
That I will be there at the end of the day

I don't wanna be without you babe  
I don't want a broken heart  
Don't wanna take a breath without you baby  
I don't want to play that part  
I know that I love you but let me just say  
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no  
I don't want a broken heart  
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl  
No, no, no broken-hearted girl

Now I'm at a place I thought I'd never be, ooh  
I'm living in a world that's all about you and me, mmm yeah  
Ain't gotta be afraid, my broken heart is free  
To spread my wings and fly away, away with you,  
Yeah yeah yeah, oh ohh...

I don't wanna be without my baby  
I don't want a broken heart  
Don't wanna to take a breath without my baby  
I don't want to play that part  
I know that I love you but let me just say  
I don't wanna love you in no kinda way, no no  
I don't want a broken heart  
I don't want to play the broken-hearted girl  
No, no, no broken-hearted girl  
Broken-hearted girl, no, no  
No broken-hearted girl  
No broken-hearted girl

**So what did you think of the lyrics? Let me know (a)  
stay tuned for the first chapter soon! Xxx**


	2. leaving without a goodbye

**Broken  
Chapter 2: leaving without a goodbye**

**Disclaimer: **I'm not owning a thing besides my own made up characters and my story line.

**authors note:** This chapter is set after Addison showed up at Seattle and finding out that Derek didn't sign the papers yet, that evening at Joe's. Story will most likely be updated once a week, and when i'm not busy with college maybe twice a week.  
Please R&R.

**xX-Natasja-Xx**

I looked out of the window from the airplane and I sighed, how did things became this messy? 3 months ago I moved from Boston to Seattle to do my internship at the best teaching hospital, the hospital that my mother also learned to do her job. And now I'm sitting in this airplane while taking a last look at the city that I used to love, yes I Meredith Grey love Seattle, I love the rain or at least I used to.

I rub my belly with my left hand, yes things certainly did became messed up.  
Just after I found out I am pregnant, Cristina also told me that she was pregnant it was then that I decided not to tell anyone about it, besides Derek. The evening was planned but then his wife showed up, I still can't believe that Mcass was married and didn't tell me. Yeah his wife did cheat on him, but still that isn't a reason to use me.  
I thought for a moment that everything would turn out to be just fine, but my hopes got lost when he didn't sign the paper while he told me that he did. I was just too stupid to believe that he would leave his beautiful wife for an ordinary girl like me.

The airplane took off and a tear escaped my eye, I would never return to Seattle.  
I didn't say a goodbye to anyone just because I know my friends and they would have told me that I had to stay and that everything would be okay. But I know it isn't going to be okay so I left, without a goodbye besides the note on Derek's desk.

**xX-Natasja-Xx**

_Derek,_

_By the time you are reading this note I left Seattle._  
_I just couldn't stay here any longer, knowing that your wife won't be leaving Seattle anytime soon. She told me you didn't tell her yet what you wanted and that's why she won't leave, she isn't sure that there isn't a future for you both._

_I really have to leave Derek, because even though you broke my heart, I know you are the only one for me. I don't want to have a broken heart, I don't want to be without you and just be the broken hearted girl. But you are everything I thought you never were, and nothing like I thought you could have been. It makes me sad to leave but I don't have another choice._

_I know there will be times that I hate you, because I can't erase the times that you hurt me and put tears on my face. But at the same time I don't want to hate you and it pains me to say but if I stay here I would be there for you again at the end of the day._  
_I know that I love you, but let me just say, right now I don't want to love you in no kind of way. I need to choose for myself now._

_Derek, don't hurt Addison, I like her and she is really nice._  
_I know she is sorry and really wants you back, she loves you._  
_Doesn't everyone deserve a second change?_

_Goodbye Derek, you will be forever in my heart, just not in my life anymore._

_Love, Meredith xxx_

**xX-Natasja-Xx**

I wiped away a tear that escaped my eyes. I couldn't tell him about the baby I just couldn't have him search for me. I was getting a new start with my unborn baby, who I loved since the moment I found out I'm pregnant. I decided to go to LA, a new start, no Boston were everyone knows me from my childhood or my mom. Also New York was a no go, Derek worked there with Addison, he got married there and lived there no way that I was heading there. I knew about an internship in a hospital there (A/N: None private practice characters will appear) , found a house on the beach its perfect for a new start.  
I felt my eyes getting heavier and it didn't take long before I fell asleep, exhausted from the emotional day I've had and what still wasn't over for a while.

I woke up two hours later, I was almost In LA. I felt my stomach turn at the thought of heading to a new place all alone, I knew nobody there.. I felt sad as I thought about Cristina, my person she must have figured out by now that I was gone and I felt bad about not telling her, but if I would have told her that I was leaving she would have convinced me to stay and would have alarmed all the others before I could leave.. that way I still would be stuck in Seattle with the married couple who always would blame me for ruining their marriage by getting a freaking love child. I smiled at the thought of my little baby boy or girl, to me she was a precious gift given by the man that I loved very much.

The day that I found out that I was pregnant I was shocked at first, not sure whether to keep the baby or go to an abortion clinic. But when I thought about what my mom would have told me to do it became sure to me that I wanted to keep it, maybe to prove myself that I don't look anything like my mom and that I could raise a child like she was everything besides ordinary to me. But it could also be that I just didn't want to make the wrong choice by killing this little person, I mean it is already a living person.

I sighed again as I looked out of the window, the world was beautiful in the air but still I hated flying. I don't know why, but it always gave me these chills. I was happy when there got announced that we were arriving at our destination so we had to buckle up for the landing.

Not much later I walked out of the airport with my three suitcases, I didn't take much just the things that I wanted to bring with me and not wanted to leave behind. Other stuff I would buy again, since my mom was having Alzheimer's I got some money from her monthly. I first didn't want to accept it but she insisted and who am I to reject something what I deserved with her as my mom. Yeah I know that sounds cruel but try living with her for a week as child and you will run away screaming. I do love her though in a very strange way.

I took a cab to my new destination, my new life.

"Are you here for a vacation?" the man asked me trying to make a conversation

I smiled a weak smile at him "No I'm moving here" I told him and I tried to look happy about it.

"Welcome in Los Angeles then" the man smiled at me happily and I gave him a smile in return, not feeling like talking.

We arrived in my new street before my new house, I paid the cabdriver and gave him a tip before walking towards my house. I looked up at it and I have to admit it looked beautiful, LA looked beautiful.. I feel some weight falling off my shoulders, seeing that LA is beautiful. I walked over towards the front door and opened it before walking in my new house, luckily it was a rentable house complete with furniture so I wouldn't have to worry about that.

I put my suitcases on the ground in the living room before sitting down on the couch, looking at the view. I turned on my cellphone and noticed I have like 30 texts from everyone and some missed phone calls. This made me crack and I started to sob, while reminding that I needed a new number.

**xX-Natasja-Xx**

**So hope you liked the first chapter, let me know what you think and please, please be so kind to leave me a review. Xxx**

**next one should be longer.**


	3. Pregnancy week diary

**Broken  
Chapter 3. pregnancy week diary**

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, just playing with the characters =)

**A/N: **As first thank you for your review Lianne.. Only one review.. I hoped I would get more, but I hope you all like this chapter and leave a review then? The ones that listed my fanfic as favorite, thank you!  
**  
**Here is the next chapter from Meredith her pregnancy diary until 5 months. Please R&R. Hope you like it and let me know what you think of it. Xxx

**xx-Natasja-xx**

I decided to make a diary about my pregnancy, I thought It would be nice for my little baby to read back when He or she is older. A week ago I've had my first day of my internship at the new hospital, everyone there was really friendly and all were wondering why I left Seattle to come here. I just told everyone that I hated the weather over there, I wasn't ready to tell the truth and I don't know if I ever will be.  
I only told my attending and chief about my pregnancy and they didn't make a problem out of it. As I said they were real nice. My attending made me come to her after my last shift this week and she did a ultrasound and some test for the first time since I found out that I am pregnant.

**7 weeks.  
**Hey little baby,

Today I got to see you for the first time, I have to admit you made me cry, you look so beautiful already even though you are just a tiny spot on the ultrasound, and were so tiny. I never knew you could love such a tiny baby from the moment you know you are pregnant. I always thought the loving developed in the months that you are pregnant, but I guess I am wrong because I don't think I have more love to give then I am feeling for you already.  
You are 7 weeks now, and this is the week your hand and feet are developing from arms and legs. I could see it a bit, it just looked like peddles, that exactly were the words from my attending and we laughed about it. I don't know if you heard it but I hope you did. You are now about half an inch (that is the size of a blueberry) and according to my attending perfectly healthy.  
I am experiencing the morning sickness today, I hoped I would be one of the persons who wouldn't feel that but I hoped to hard. It isn't that bad yet though.  
I also can notice that I am eating for two now, I am craving all the time already. Little baby I wasn't such a healthy eater since I can't really cook. But I promise you that I will try and eat as healthy as possible, anything for you.  
I also decided to make a belly picture from now on monthly, just for you to look back at it, and maybe even a bit for me.

**Week 8, 2 months  
**Hey little,

I'm 8 weeks today and although I didn't see you on the screen this week I can notice you are developing, don't ask me how I know but I just know.. they say moms notice everything and I think everyone is right about that.  
I read a little on the internet about what is going on with you now and it said that you now are developing little toes and fingers, can't wait to count them to see if all 20 are there (10 fingers and 10 toes of course) but I guess I have to wait another 7 months for that. They say you are now the size of a kidney bean =)  
Me, I am feeling a bit fatigued but I think that is because of the morning sickness and I'm experiencing trouble sleeping since I always have to pee at night.

**9 weeks  
**Hi baby,

As to believe the resources I checked you are now about an ounce and the size of a grape, you are getting bigger and bigger without me being able to see it.. I planned a new ultrasound with my attending already for when I'm 14 weeks pregnant, normally you only get a ultrasound around 20 weeks, but since I can't wait that long and I'm working in a hospital everything is possible =)  
I can notice that I'm pregnant by now, my ay are getting tiny by now and I soon need new ones, I'm still having the morning sickness and I'm feeling like I am an emotional pinball, my emotions are going all different kind of ways. I have to say that this week was hard for me since I'm missing my friends and your dad. But it is for the best and I will explain you why when you are old enough, then you also will get this diary. I also am doubting a lot lately if I would be a good mom, but I think that also are the emotions because you are sooo wanted!

**10 weeks  
**Hey there,

I am 10 weeks pregnant by now, which means you will begin in your fetal growing stadium, which means that the tissues and organs will start to grow rapidly and mature. Every week I read how you would look like now, and how you are developing. I love to know these little things, I want to make sure I know how you are doing in there. I read that you now are getting little nails and some fuzzy hair, I am wondering what hair you will have, I hope you have your dad's beautiful thick and curly hair. I've heard that I will be able to hear your heartbeat at my next checkup, I can't wait to hear your little heart. I bet that is going to be very emotional. I still am able to wear my own clothes, I'm not really showing at the moment, but I can notice my waist thickening up a bit. Just not my belly yet. ****

11 weeks  
Hey baby boy/girl

I'm 11 weeks pregnant by now which means you will be as big as a fig according towards my source on the web. You are almost fully formed by now and maybe you already can make fist, your bones will start to harden and tiny tooth buds are starting to appear.. my little baby, I can't wait to see you again. The nausea is getting better to handle and I hope it will be gone soon, so I will be able to eat more than I could the last weeks. The hormones are still driving me crazy and I suppose it's only getting worse than it was, but hey that is normal in pregnancy so I will manage to pull it trough. I started showing a bit in the last couple of days, it's not much but I'm showing =) I bought some baby books today, so I am fully updated about everything when you will arrive. ****

12 weeks , 3 months  
My little baby,

Today would be the day that I could see you again, but the appointment got cancelled because my attending told me to go to the ob. of the hospital from now one. But he didn't had any time so I made an appointment for when I am 20 weeks pregnant, so I have to wait 8 more weeks to see you =( I will manage though because if I close my eyes sometimes I imagine that I can see you. I don't know yet who will be my ob. Though since this man is leaving and they didn't hire someone else yet.. surprise surprise.. did I tell you that I hate surprises? According to the internet you are developing your reflexes this week.. it also says that when I prod my belly you will notice it and squirm in response, I can't wait to be able to feel you. I'm still in my own clothes although I think that it won't last long before I want something more comfortable. I'm glad hospital scrubs are really comfortable.  
I've been experiencing heartburn twice this week, one of the pregnancy symptoms, it's not that bad though. I added a new picture of my belly so you can see my showing although it still isn't much. ****

13 weeks  
Hey there.

13 weeks already, it's going so fast (but at the same time because of some other reasons so slow, by the time you got this from me you probably know why)  
I read that you now fingerprints have formed on your fingertips, I want to have your hand in mine so badly. It also says that if you are a girl you already have more than 2 million eggs in your ovaries. For boys it doesn't say anything yet. I decided that I want to know your sex so I can make your room all boy or girl and then I can start of thinking about names for you. I bought my first maternity clothes although I still can manage wearing my own. ****

14 weeks  
Hey little baby

according to the internet you made some big developments, they say you can pee, squint, grimace and suck your thumb and grasp your hand. You are the size of a lemon now. My changes are that my breast are feeling less tender and though I am still having my moments of nauseas it's not that bad anymore. I'm showing more and more and some people at work start asking me if I'm pregnant, or they just stare at me and are suggesting things.. I think people start to notice. ****

15 weeks  
Dear baby,

I checked my weight today and I gained already 5 pounds, I think that's a good thing though, you need it. I have to admit the hormonal swings are killing me some days and the other day I'm not experiencing them… I guess that's why they are called swings. I also am experiencing other symptoms like stuffed nose, nosebleeds etc.. the joys of pregnancy :P no kiddo it's all for a good cause.  
I have to admit I still miss your daddy, but when you are finally here we won't need him and we will manage. According towards the internet you are now the size of an apple, your lungs are developing more, your eyelids are still shut but you can sense lights. Although there is not much for you to taste you are developing taste buds. =) ****

16 weeks , 4 months  
my lovely baby,

4 months already, only one more until I will see you again. I tried to get an earlier appointment but the ob. Still is overbooked, in about two weeks our ob. Will leave and we get one once in the week one from another clinic.  
according towards the internet you will start with a growth spurt =) I saw a picture on there you are a real tiny human by now.. and you know I think it's weird that at this stage some people still choose for an abortion.. A human, that's all what I say, I don't get it.. the nauseas is almost gone by now and the mood swings are betting less too. I'm happy about that because being alone and mood swings can be too much to handle sometimes.. I have nice co-workers but I'm not so close with them besides work. I am a loner these days and I don't care because I'm busy with work and when I am at home I love talking to you, and I'm still exhausted after working days. This is also the week when I can start feeling your movements if I'm lucky =)****

17 weeks  
Hey kiddo,

I was walking in the mall today when I passed this baby shop, I got dragged inside and aww these things were just too cute.. I bought a little outfit today that fits both a boy and a girl.. can't wait till you can wear it. I'm probably at the half of my pregnancy now it's exciting you know, but also very scary at the same time. I finished the first baby book by now and wow, there are just to many things to remember.. but we still have some time. My belly is growing bigger and bigger and I can't really deny anymore that I'm pregnant.. some people think I'm just getting fat but I know better. Balance is getting a point for me, I'm starting to feel unsteady at my feet sometimes. I'm afraid of falling someday and hurting you.. good things I don't wear heals.  
You should weight 5 ounces now and should be around 5 inches according to the internet.. maybe you think I'm nuts searching all these things but I just want to know what is going on with you. ****

18 weeks  
My little baby,

According to the internet you are already like 5,5 inches long and 7 ounces. You are growing fast and so does my belly it is still not that big but Its sure that I'm pregnant (I'm small so what else would you figured) .. I went shopping for some more new clothes today I don't fit in anything that I have anymore.. yeah just some of the maternity clothes that I already bought, but I didn't had enough of those.  
I think that you move today, it was not much that I felt but still wow.. I'm speechless.  
I read that if you are a boy your genitals should be noticeable by now, so in about two weeks I'm really going to find out what you are.. no matter if you are a boy or a girl, I love you and I don't care about your gender.  
I can surely notice you are growing, I'm getting more hungry, and am craving almost all the time, all your fault my little baby. When getting up I sometimes feel dizzy, a sign that I should stand up slower, another pregnancy thing I guess. ****

19 weeks  
my precious baby,

I found out that you should be able to hear me now, that's so cool. I mean now I can actually talk to u knowing you will be able to hear my voice. You should weighs around 8,5 ounces now and are around the 6 inches.. you are really growing fast if it's true what these sites say, I think so because I'm getting bigger to. Sometimes I have backaches or pain at my sides already, but I don't know for sure if that's because of you or my job, I mean comparing to many other woman's I'm still not that huge. I will ask my ob. next week.  
Apparently my little baby I'm glowing, at least that is what they tell me.  
Only one more week and then I'm able to see you again, it has been way to long. ****

20 weeks, 5 months  
Dear baby girl.

I got to see you this morning and wow you are so cute and beautiful! Tears are coming up to my eyes again when I think about you, your perfect little heartbeat, your beautiful my little girl, yes girl, I found out that you are a girl so now I can start thinking off a name for you. The new ob. Was actually someone I know. It was an exhausting day with a lot of emotions. They told me that you are like 10 ounces now and 6,5 inches, but since you were curled up they couldn't tell me exactly how many inches. I had to laugh for a moment while doing the ultrasound, because just when we wanted to make a picture of you, you decided to suck your thumb. It was the cutest thing that I ever have seen! Your so cute and your mommy totally loves you. I gained 9 pound by now, but I was still a little low on weight, I've always been skin so they told me to try and gain some more weight. I'm still experiencing trouble sleeping but I got some tips which may help for me to be comfortable in my bed.  
It was great to see you, healthy and all! Love you my baby girl.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

Okay, a different kind of chapter than you probably are used to read, I thought it would be interesting to put it in. let me know if you liked it or not, so that I know if I should continue this little diary after the next chapter or not.

I myself found it interesting to write since I don't know anything about these developments that a baby makes in a week. I loved doing the research and putting the biggest details in the little week writings from Mer.. I know I write Meredith as a softy here, but she does have her struggles (which you will find out) but of course she is not going to put them all in her pregnancy diary.

Next chapter will be about the 20week hospital appointment, who is this person that Meredith knows?

PLEASE REVIEW? 


	4. unexpected meeting

**Broken  
Chapter 4: unexpected meeting**

**Disclaimer: **only mistakes are mine..

**Authors note****:** Didn't get a review on last chapter, but got a lot of new followers so I knew you liked it although you didn't let me know.. please leave me a review this time.

here is the new chapter, It's the checkup with 20 weeks (5 months) at the hospital.

**xx-natasja-xx**

I walked in the hospital with a strange feeling in my body, I was nervous.  
I have been waiting many weeks now for the meeting with a ob. to see how my baby was developing, I hoped that everything would be fine but working at a hospital I know that this is not always the case. I also couldn't wait to find out the gender. I sighed knowing that most times the partner would join with these appointments and at these moments I missed him the most.. but for now I only hoped that my ob. wouldn't asks to many things about the baby's father.

I took a look at the note that I was holding, room 1432 it said.. I walked towards the elevator and pressed 2, heading towards the maternity ward. When I arrived at the room there was a nurse standing by the door

"The doctor would be here soon, she is running a bit late because the traffic since she is located at another place" she smiled at me "you can go in and change yourself and then she will be there soon" She said as she looked at me.

"thank you" I said before I walked in the room and saw the nurse walking away again. I smiled to myself as I got changed and lay down onto the examination table.

I heard the clicking of some heals coming towards the room a couple minutes later, and then into the room "Good morning miss…" I looked up at the OB as she was reading my file to search for my last name I was shocked when I noticed who just walked in the room "Addison" I shrieked "what are you doing here?" I asked completely confused, this couldn't be right, Addison was in Seattle with Derek.. She had to be there.

The redhead looked up "Meredith?" she asked also chocked "I can ask you the same thing" she said before walking towards me "whole Seattle Grace went nuts when you left, you hurt many people there" she said to me like if she couldn't believe that I was here.

"You… you should be with Derek.. I left so you could have a change.. I left because I couldn't stand to be near both of you" I said while tears started to stream over my face. It didn't take long before I noticed her moving towards me and she pulled me in a hug and I started to sob into her shoulder, everything that happened three months ago came back to me.. finding out that Derek was married on the evening I would tell him that I was pregnant, and everything that happened since then..

she shushed me that everything was going to be okay, while she rubbed my back.  
It didn't take long before I found my strength back and I pulled away from the hug, while I wiped my tears.

"I'm sorry.. it's just a lot has happened in Seattle and now you are here… why are you here?" I said while I asked her the thing I was willing to know since she walked into this room minutes ago.

Addison sighed "When you left, He was broken, almost everyone there was broken. I tried and make things up with Derek, but he didn't want me to be there.. then Mark came and all my feelings for Mark came back and I found out I just wasn't meant to be with Derek anymore… so a week ago I came to LA, I work at this private clinic now with some old friends from me. Why did you leave Seattle?" She lay her hand on mines

I sighed "I couldn't do it anymore, when you announced that evening that you were his wife.. that was the evening I wanted to tell him about my pregnancy. Then he promised me that he would leave you and told me he signed the paper, he dropped them at Joe's and I found out he didn't. And you told me that you still loved him and wasn't going to leave until he asked you too. I decided that I couldn't hate you and that I had to leave for my own feature, I couldn't be the one ruining your marriage with the lovechild. So I left him a note and left Seattle without telling anyone. It has been a couple hard months, but I managed, yeah I miss him a lot but he hurt me and I can't forgive him for using me.. I felt like I was his little whore. And now you are here and all these feelings are coming back" I rambled, not sure why I told her this probably because I didn't had any friend here that I trusted enough with my past.

Addison looked at me and I could see the sadness in her eyes "I'm so sorry Meredith, I'm sorry for all the things that Derek did to you" she said as she hugged me one more time

"It's okay Addison" I said and smiled at weak smile at her. "don't tell Derek or someone else that I am here!" I quickly added, not wanting to be found by them

"I won't" Addison smiled at me as she got my file and started reading "You haven't seen a ob. here before?" she asked me shocked when she read this.

I shook my head "no, the ob. had no time and then he left and I was told to wait" I said "My attending did a ultrasound when I was seven weeks along but since then I haven't had a checkup for 13 weeks" I rubbed my belly "I was dying to find out how this little one is doing for weeks" I said.

"We will find out soon, of course only if you want me to be your ob. of course" she asked unsecure

I smiled at her "as I said before I can't hate you, and you are the best in your field, so yeah you can be my ob." I said wanting the best for baby.

She nodded "I see you answered a couple questions already but I still have to ask you some more questions to get the paper work done, then I will have to do a vaginal examination, blood test and then I will do the ultrasound" She exclaimed to me with a smile and I nodded.

**xx-natasja-xx**

"this can be a little cold" Addison said as she squeezed some of the gel on my stomach. I shivered for a moment "it is cold yes" I said as I smiled at her

"are you ready to see your little baby?" Addison asked, and I could see she was a bit nervous to, after all its Derek his baby.

"more than I ever can be" I smiled but then I turned serious and looked at her while I grabbed her hand in mine "are you ready? I mean I think this is hard for you too, after all its Derek his baby too" I sighed

Addison smiled at me "I can handle it, so don't be worried about me" She said with a reassuring smile then she started the ultrasound and my little baby was on the screen.

I watched the screen with tears in my eyes, there she was my little baby and she looked perfect. I looked up at Addison "How is he/she?" I asked

Addison looked at the screen "you want to know the gender?" She asked and I could notice some tears in her eyes

I smiled at her "yeah I really want to know" I said while my eyes were locked on the screen again.

"Well, your little girl looks perfectly fine, she is a bit curled up as you can see so I guess she is around 6.5 inches and around 10 ounces. She couldn't be better" Addison smiled at me "I will make a picture for you, and will give you the tape" She said as she started to press the button to take the picture. Just then my little baby girl moved her thumb towards her mouth and started sucking it.

I smiled "aww, that's so cute" I said totally in love with my little girl already

Addison smiled at me and squeezed at me "she is perfect" she said before looking at me "and she will be a perfect mix off you and Derek I bet she is going to be a beautiful girl"

I smiled at Addison, before she removed the gel my belly. "But Meredith" she started with a serious tone "you are still a bit underweight so I really hope you will try and gain some weight, you look so fragile and you are really going to need these more pounds, as does this little girl"

I looked down, feeling guilty "I know, I've been trying to gain some weight already, but it is just I've always been skinny and this thing with Derek really got to me and…" I took a deep breath "I can't cook" I sighed ashamed

Addison smiled a comforting smile at me "I believe you when you say you are trying, and I believe that it had to be hard the last three months, being here all alone and being pregnant. But if you would like to, maybe we can try to be friends I am so sorry for everything that Derek did to you.. if I didn't cheat on him with his best friend he wouldn't have used you, if that was what he was doing. At some point I think he really loved you. I will be here for you and I even can cook for you so you just have to heat it up at the microwave or oven." She smiled at me

"that's really nice from you Addison, but you don't have to do that just because you ate guilty about what Derek did" I said to her, not wanting to be a charity case.

"Its not because of that, I just want to be there for you. I like you, I already did in Seattle, it was hard for me to be the one to disturb your life by showing up. I really hope that you will let me be there for you because Derek doesn't, I hope that we can be friends one day." She said as she looked at me

I could see into her eyes that she was telling nothing but the truth so I squeezed her hand "I would like that too" I said with a smile "and Derek doesn't know that I'm pregnant It was my own choice to do this all alone" I said this time with a weaker smile. I put my hand on my belly and smiled "I can need a friend around here"

**xx-natasja-xx**

Okay, just a little Addie/Meredith moment.  
Let me know what you think off this unexpected friendship and stay tuned for next chapter. Please hit the little button that says review (A)

if you want to stay updated about my fanfics follow me on twitter, link can be found at my bio.


	5. Giving birth

**Broken  
Chapter 5. Giving birth**

**A/N:** I am so terrible sorry for the late update.. Well college has been very busy and I've been sick for two freaking weeks.. and well yeah here is finally a update. Hope I didn't lost any readers and hope you all have had some awesome holidays and Happy 2013 everyone!

Hope you like the new updates, thank you all for the reviews on the last one and please review again on this one.

** oOoOoOoOo xx-Natasja-xx oOoOoOoOo**

'I can't do this' I cried out as another contraction hit me hard.

Addison squeezed my hand 'you will do great, and you will be a great mother' she assured me as she smiled me her best smile.

in the last months Addison and I became great friends and I am very glad to have her into my life. I didn't contact anyone in Seattle although I have had my doubts about doing this all alone and shutting Derek out of my.. our.. daughters live. But I need to have a clean new change and Derek had to start over also. To many things happened and I am still not sure if I could forgive him.

'you keep saying that' I snapped at her as another contraction hit me 'sorry' I quickly said after the contraction moved away again.

Addison chuckled 'it's okay, let's see how far you are' she said as she started to check again how far I am 'you are okay to start pushing with the next contraction' Addison smiled at me as she squeezed my hand again 'it won't last that much longer before you will be able to hold your little girl'

I smiled at the thought of holding my little baby in my arms finally and I looked up at Addison 'you will be the best aunt' I smiled as I knew that this probably would be hard for her, me delivering the baby of her ex-husband.

Another contraction hit me and Addison told me to start pushing.. I moved my head on my chest and started to push as hard as I could and about ten minutes later the room got filled with little cries and a baby girl, my baby girl got placed on my chest after being cleaned up a bit. I cried from happiness as I looked at her, she looked perfect and to me she seemed just a little perfect mix from me and Derek. A tear escaped my eye as I kissed her onto her head.

Addison smiled at me 'she looks perfect and healthy, you did a great job' Addison said as she squeezed my hand 'I need to stitch you up a bit, it won't take long but it can sting a bit' she said to me and I nodded being too busy with looking at my baby girl. My perfect baby girl.

When Addison finished stitching she looked up at me "Do you already have a name for her?" she asked me

"Yeah Madeline Carolyn Grey" I smiled as I looked at my perfect girl.

Addison smiled at me "That's a beautiful name, and you named her after Derek his mother, did you know that? I mean the middle name"

"I know, I just wanted her to have a piece of Derek.. and I liked the name" I said as I handed Madeline over to Addison for her checkup.

** oOoOoOoOo xx-Natasja-xx oOoOoOoOo  
**

A couple hours later I woke up from little cries next to me. I opened my eyes and met my little girl in Addison her arms.

Addison smiled 'she is hungry, I already made her bottle so you can give it to her' she said as she handed me Madeline. I took her into my arms before I took over the bottle from Addison. And I started feeding her. I've made the choice to give her no breastfeeding because being a single mom and with work it would be hard for me to do so. Addison supported me in my choice and she promised me that she would be there for me when I needed to.

'thank you for being here' I said to Addison with a smile 'I mean I bet this is hard for you, me having Derek his baby..' I said almost starting to ramble again.

'it's okay, don't thank me. I'm glad to be here and I told you already many times. And I'm okay with it' Addison answered me with a smile. And we both watched little Madeline drink her bottle.

** oOoOoOoOo xx-Natasja-xx oOoOoOoOo**

Two days later I was waiting in my hospital room with Madeline in my arms, she was asleep and she looked just so cute while doing. We had to stay two days in the hospital because Addison wanted to be sure that the stitched wouldn't bother me when I was at home alone taking care at Madeline. The stitches won't get removed until one or two weeks from now but they were not that irritating anymore as before.

Addison walked in the room, holding some papers. I looked up at her as I gave her a smile "Can I go home now?" I asked her, desperate to go to my own home. I still didn't like hospitals, alright to work in but no not as a patient.

"Yeah, you just need to sign these papers and then I will bring you home" Addison told me as she handed me the papers. I took the papers from her with my one free hand and I placed them on the bed. I took Madeline in my hands and I gave her to Addison so that I could sign the discharge papers. After signing them I handed them back at her and took Madeline over and put her coat on. It definitely wasn't cold in LA. But I wanted to be sure she would be warm enough when taking her outside.

Addison went to finish up the paperwork and it didn't take long before she came back into the room with a wheelchair "ready to go home?" she asked me as she mentioned towards the wheelchair that I should sit in it.

I got up from the bed, holding Madeline in her Maxi cosi. "you want me to sit in that? I gave birth there is nothing wrong with my legs" I said as I rolled my eyes. I knew it's one of the hospital rules but I really didn't want to sit in one.

Addison chuckled "get in" she said and I did what she told me, knowing I would lose this 'fight' anyway. Addison began to walk towards the entrance of the hospital, then over the parking lot towards her car. She took Madeline from me and made sure she was seated at the backseat of the car safely, I got in the car as well and after Addison returned the wheelchair we drove towards my house.

Just after we met each other again at the hospital I found out that there was this lovely house for sale next to Addison, and she kind off pushed me to buy it since it would be easier for me to have her next to me when I needed help with Madeline.

I took Madeline out the car, who still was asleep and I walked towards the front door "this is our home little girl" I whispered as I opened the door and walked in our house.  
"This is our living room" I spoke to her again as I took her from the maxi cosi and removed her coat from her "we have a lovely view to the beach were you can play with your friends when you are old enough, to the left is our kitchen, and a door to a room what will be your playroom later. And upstairs is your bedroom with own bathroom and my bedroom with bathroom and two guestrooms with a shared bathroom. I will show you around there later" I told my baby girl. I placed her in the baby playpen in the living room so she could sleep in there.

"You want something to drink?" I asked Addison as she sat down on the couch.

"A coffee please" she smiled as she watched Madeline, my perfect girl a perfect mix between me and her dad.

** oOoOoOoOo xx-Natasja-xx oOoOoOoOo  
**

**A/N: **I know it is short, but I was a little stuck with this chapter.  
Next chapter spring forward in the time a little bit, probably 2 years or something.  
I have some ideas and for one of them Madeline needs to be around 14/15 years old.

Please review and make my day, even though I'm pretty sure this was a crappy chapter… review?


	6. headache

**Broken  
Chapter 6. headache**

A/N: At first I was really sad that no one reviewed on my last chapter :'( hope you all will like this one better.  
I'm sorry for not updating for such a long time.. but school is really busy and I've been experiencing a lot of headaches in the last weeks so that is really annoying when you want to write. (it's nothing bad probably just a side effect from some allergic reaction on something in the air.. did a blood test today to find out. )  
anyways just to let you know I want to write but just wasn't able to..

**xx-Natasja-xx**

I smiled as I saw my little girl asleep on the couch. Just 2 minutes ago she had been watching Belle and the Beast one of her favorite fairytales and now she was deep asleep. She was 5 by now and the most precious thing in my life.

I smiled and walked over to her, covering her up with a blanket before I walked towards the kitchen to start dinner. In the last couple years Addison learned me to cook some simple things. Addison became my best friend and helped me out a lot with Madeline, when I was at work and just because she wanted to.  
Addison had seen Derek a couple times in the last years and he had a view new crushed but they never lasted longer than a couple of months.

sometimes I regretted leaving Seattle only to find out that Derek still wasn't happy and I admit I still miss him. But I made the choice and when I look at my happy little girl I have no regret.

Madeline was just a perfect mix from the both of us. She has dark honey blonde hair with his famous curls. His blue eyes and my chin. She really is a mix between us and I'm happy that she has his beautiful thick and curly hair.

When I finished the pasta I scooped us both some on a plate and placed it on the dining table. Then I walked over to the couch and sat down next to Madeline and I stroked her hair "maddie wake up, dinner is ready" I said as I noticed her waking up.  
She looked up at me with her confused smile, a smile that she always had after she fell asleep "I've made pasta" I said knowing that she loved it

she immediately jumped up from the couch and took my hand "I love pasta mommy" she said with a smile that reminded me every time of her dad. Yeah she had his dreamy smile.

We both walked to the dining table and I helped her into her seat and we ate our dinner while she told me about her day at school.

After dinner I cleaned up and I looked at her as she was still sitting on the chair at the table "are you okay baby" I asked her

"mommy my head hurts" she said and my heart dropped, I hated it when she was sick or hurt. I walked over to her and I placed my hand on her forehead but she didn't feel like she had a temper I picked her up from the chair and I walked towards the couch with her in my arm and I sat her down on it. "I'm going to get you something for the headache" I told her as I gave her a kiss on her forehead.  
Then I walked to the bathroom upstairs and I got some kids medication and a thermometer and I walked back downstairs.

"I want to take you temperature babe" I said and she opened her mouth and I took her temperature. It was normal. Then I gave her the chewing tablet for her headache and she brave took it. I smiled at her "you want to watch a dvd?" I asked her and she nodded

"can it Pocahontas?" she asked me as she yawned

"sure of course" I said and I walked towards the dvd player and I put the dvd in.  
Then I sat down at the couch next to her and she cuddled up at me while she started watching. I stroked her hair as I just sat there enjoying her company "Maddie, mommy has to go working tonight so aunt Addison will babysit you" I said and she just nodded while continue watching. After a moment she was fast asleep again and she slipped her thumb in.. I smiled at the cute sight and for a moment I forgot that she had a headache as she just lay there. I loved watching her.

I just hold her until I heard the door open and Addison walked in.  
I carefully moved Madeline from my lap and lay her on the couch and put a blanked over her. I shut of the tv and I mentioned Addison to the kitchen

"Hi" I said as I smiled at her "thank you for babysitting tonight"

"no problem, I love watching her" Addison told me and I handed her a coffee that I just made and we sat down

"She had a headache so I just gave her a chew tablet and she fell asleep, she can have another one if she still has a headache… and if something is wrong you can always call me" I said

Addison smiled a comforting smile at me "she will be fine I'm a doctor too you know?" she chuckled " we will be fine don't you worry about it, it's just a headache" Addison tried to comfort me

I sighed "I know but she has them more the last days, I just hate to see her hurt" I said and she nodded

"how's Jake?" I asked her trying to take my worries aside

A smile crossed her face "he is great, he actually proposed to me last night" Addison said with a huge grin as she showed me her ring

I took her hand and admired her ring "wow that's beautiful, he sure has a great taste" I smiled before I stood up and pulled her in a hug "congratulations" I said and she smiled at me

"thank you, I thought he would never ask me" Addison said.  
Addison met Jake 3 years ago when he joined the practice that she worked in, he had an adoptive daughter from his last marriage, his wife died on a overdoses drugs and he took care of her. "we are trying" she then added

I just smiled at her, I always knew she wanted to be a mom and when she heard that it would most likely that she couldn't be pregnant because she only had one egg left I felt sad for her. But now she is trying and I really hoped she would get her baby.

I looked at my watch "ow I have to go, I will see you tomorrow" I said to Addison and I hugged her again. Then I walked towards the living room and kissed Madeline on her cheek "mommy has to work, be nice to Addison" I said not sure if she could hear me. I stroked her hair and then I left for work.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

Its short I know but I just wanted to update something.  
Next update will be longer and will be continued from this chapter.

Please review and make my day.


	7. Headaches part 2

**Broken**

Chapter 7: Headaches part 2.

**A/N:** To all the new followers thank you! for the people that reviewed thank you! **love you all!  
**  
I am sorry for the late update again. After receiving some bad reviews I lost my writing mojo.. I know Meredith is kinda out of character here so sorry.. I also know that Meredith never would become friends with Addison on the show but I like Addison and this is fanfiction so she is in my story. I also know that I'm definitely not the best writer on here and that my grammar needs improvement but that Is why I write my story's myself and not with a beta. I learned myself English without any teacher or help so I think I did a great job so far.  
I write because I love it! I would love every suggestion to be a better writer!

Haters don't bother to review..

Anyways chapter 7 is here so enjoy (I hope) , and leave a comment please.

**xx-natasja-xx**

That evening/night shift I couldn't concentrate at all, Madeline her headaches followed me all night. It wasn't the first time in weeks that she had a headache, no she had them more. She just didn't have any other signs that made me worried, no temperature, dizziness, nausea, balance problems, falling without a reason, sudden movements of the eyes. None of that luckily. I kept repeating all the worst scenarios all night in my head. I couldn't wait to go home and hold my little girl again, and I was dying to know if her headache was gone.

Finally I was home again, it's Saturday morning 7.30am so I knew Addison and Madeline still would be asleep. I quietly walked in the house and I placed my bag in the hall before walking in the living room. Indeed everything was quiet in the house and I softly walked up the stairs, heading towards Madeline her room. I opened the door and my heart melted at the view, Madeline was asleep holding her bear with her left arm while the thumb of her right hand was in her mouth. When I noticed that I knew she wasn't really asleep anymore because otherwise she would have dropped her thumb.

I walked over towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead "go back to sleep baby, its early" I said knowing she could sleep until 10 or 11 am on a free day, a thing she probably inherited from me since I loved to sleep long in the free mornings.

She moved a little and opened her eyes to look at me "mommy sleep with me?" she asked me with pleading eyes and I smiled at her "of course I will" I told her and I climbed in bed with her. She moved to her other side and lay her head on top of my chest and we both fell asleep.

two hours later I woke up from a sound coming from downstairs, I looked aside to see Madeline but noticed the bed being empty. I quickly got up and put on my pants before heading downstairs.

"good morning" I said as I walked into the kitchen, greeting Addison and my baby girl.

"morning" Addison smiled at me as she flipped the pancake she was baking "slept well?" she asked me and I just nodded a yes.

I moved over to my baby girl and gave her a kiss on top of her head "morning babe" I said which caused her to look up from her painting with a big smile

"Mommy" she said exited and she picked up her painting and showed to me "Addison learned me to draw a piggy" she said and I looked at the pig made with numbers, which were connected to each other

"wow that looks beautiful" I told her and my heart made a little jump, just like it always did when she did something beautiful. Blame it on the motherly feelings.

I walked towards the coffee machine and made myself a coffee "want one too?" I asked Addison who still was busy baking pancakes for breakfast

"that would be lovely" Addison said with a smile, and I made her one too.

Then I sat down at the table and sipped my coffee while watching Madeline coloring on the painting she was making, Then Addison placed the plate with pancakes on the table.

"Maddie, can you put your pens and drawing aside for a moment?" I asked her and she nodded before doing what her was told

I scooped a pancake on her plate "you want syrup on it?" I asked her, knowing she almost always wanted syrup on her pancakes.

"euhm" she said as I saw her thinking for a moment "I euhm want sugar… no no syrup.. or jam.. no I want syrup" she said after a moment and I smiled at her, on my left side I heard a chuckle coming from Addison.

I put the syrup on her pancake and cut it into tiny pieces before handing it her.

"thank you mommy" she said and she started to eat her pancake.

When we finished breakfast and I did the dishes Madeline pulled on my shirt "mommy can I play on the trampoline?" she asked me

"only if you are carefully baby" I told her "close the zipper when you get in" I added, afraid that she would tumble out of the trampoline otherwise."

" I will mommy" she said and she run outside.

"How did it go last night?" I asked turning my attention to Addison

Addison smiled at me "she was such a wonderful girl, she was very tired though but I blame the pain killer she got from you. She didn't complain about headaches anymore but I got the feeling she was absent some moments, she just didn't hear me or noticed me" Addison said and fear came up to me once again.

"I've been thinking all night about her headaches, I'm a freaking brain surgeon but I just have no clue what is wrong with her or if there is something I have to worry about. She doesn't have any symptoms that make me worried" I said as I looked at Addison "I'm afraid" I admitted

Addison pulled me in a hug "I didn't notice anything what is worrying me" she said and she stroked a tear on my cheek away with her thumb "maybe she is just too excited about things at school" she said, trying to calm me down

"yeah I'm probably the worried mother now" I joked at her and I forced a small smile on my lips.

"probably" she laughed "well I have to be at the practice" she told me and I hugged her (yeah I did became the hugging person)

"thank you for watching her all over again and say hi to Jake" I said before she told me she would and she left.

**xx-natasja-xx**

After Addison left I decided to take her out to the park, there she met one of her friends from school and they played together for a hour, until her mother needed to leave for some appointment. Then I played with her for another half an hour before we decided to go to the beach. We both loved the beach and right now I was watching my daughter building a sandcastle while I just lay there enjoying the sight.

"mommy look my castle" she said while she jumped around me

I moved up to sit and took a look at the castle she had built "wow that's so beautiful! You are such a pretty builder.. can you make me a second one?" I questioned while I noticed her grin getting bigger as I told her that I loved it.

She jumped up and started to dig into the sand once again, starting building her second castle

"you know baby, when you have two it's like a castle city" I joked "then more sand princesses can live there"

her eyes sparkled "they do? There are princesses in my castle?" she shrieked of joy

I smiled at her "yes baby there are" I told her as I knew she just loved princesses and fairytales.

About 15 minutes later she had built her second one which looked even better than the first one. "you did such a great job, I think someone deserves an ice-cream" I said which caused her to jump around me again

"can I? mommy I love ice-cream" she said and I giggled "I know you do baby" I took her hand and we walked towards the ice stand together

"what flavor do you want?" I asked and I knew that this could take a while before she made her choice

"which flavor do you take?" she asked me as I could see she was trying to make up her mind

"Strawberry" I told her and I saw her nodding, and she drifted away in her thoughts again. After a minute of thinking she looked up at me again "which kind did daddy love?" she questioned me and my heart dropped on the floor, she never asked something about her dad.

I took a deep breath "he loved coffee flavor, but I don't think you would like that, why don't you take chocolate?" I said to her, knowing she loved everything that was chocolate

"oh" she said and her smile dropped for a moment then she smiled at me again "I will take chocolate then mommy"

"good afternoon, how can I help you?" the woman behind the stand asked me as we reached the stand.

"one strawberry ice-cream and one chocolate please" I said to her, she handed us the ice-creams and I paid her for it. And I walked back home with Madeline.

**xx-natasja-xx**

That evening I sat on the couch while I was watching one of my mom's surgery's, I loved to watch them, when I heard Madeline call for me, she sounded very up sad.  
I quickly ran up the stairs and entered her room "what happened babe?" I asked when I walked in

"Mommy.. I'm sorry" She said and just then I noticed the vomit in her bed, I walked over to her "ow baby its okay, mommy isn't mad. Are you feeling sick?" I questioned her

Madeline looked up at me and I wiped some tears from her cheeks "I don't know mommy, sorry" she said

I smiled a smile at her to make sure she knew that I wasn't mad at her "it's okay baby, lets clean you up" I said as I took her hand and we walked towards the bathroom together. On the way there I noticed her losing her balance once or twice and I knew that my worst nightmare might be coming out. I made a note for myself to take her to the hospital the first thing in the morning.

**xx-natasja-xx  
**  
Review?


	8. Haze

**Chapter 8: Haze**

I know it has been to long since my last update, but here you go. 

**xx-natasja-xx**

I ran in the one-call room, jumped on the bed and started crying. The last two weeks had been hard and difficult. I kept myself strong all the time for my little girl, but right now she was asleep and I couldn't handle it anymore.

The last three weeks just went by in a haze, I don't even know everything what happened. Just because it is so much to handle.

After Madeline showed some symptoms like headaches, vomiting and losing her balance I took her to the hospital for some tests. As first we took her into a CT-scan, when the scan was finished and I overlooked it, my worst nightmare came out.  
On the scan was a visible tumor. Then she went for a mri scan, which gave me more information about the kind of tumor. I diagnosed my own little girl with a medullablastoom, which is a tumor on the medulla oblongata. Because this kind of tumor can release cells, who can move to other places in the brain or spinal cord trough the cerebrospinal fluid, she needed a mri-scan off her spinal cord to.

Luckily the scan showed nothing strange, which were a big relieve to me.  
After all the scans she needed surgery to get some tissue of the tumor, and some of the brain fluids. And after that it was waiting, four days later I finally got the results.

After the results the plan of treatment needed to be made, since I am her mother I can't treat her myself. And I don't even want to. We decided to start with a infusion with medicine that reduce the moisture around the tumor.  
Since the tumor is too big to operate on she is now getting a chemo treatment.

Just thinking back at everything what is happening with my little girl, make me cry even harder. It's getting difficult to breath and before I know it I'm hyperventilating.  
I hear the door open but I don't look up, before I know it someone hands me a bag and sits down next to me.

"shhht, it's going to be okay" Addison says and she pulls me in a hug

I say nothing and I just breath in and out in the bag, while I sob on her shoulder  
when minutes later I calmed a bit down, I looked up at her "thank you" I say as I wipe my eyes"

"no problem, how are you?" she asks me

I shrug my shoulders "it's hard Addison, it's so hard to see my little girl this fragile, she's freaking started chemo" I say as I feel tears welling up into my eyes again "she doesn't deserve it"

Addison hugs me again "I know, no one does" she wipes away a tear on my cheek "but she will get the best care that is no question…"

I cut her off "No she doesn't, Derek is the best for this. We both know that" I say to her

"then why don't we call him, ask him to operate on her" she suggest as she looks at me

I look at her "I cant.. I just can't call him to tell him we have a 5 year old daughter who has a brain tumor that he has to fix.. he will be mad and when he knows he can't operate on her, you know that relatives can't do that"

"I know.." Addison answered and then she was lost in her thoughts. At the same time I was thinking why everything had to happen to me, I've never had an easy life but I never minded that as much as now, now it affected my baby girl.

"you know" Addison started, and interrupted my thoughts "I can call him, and say that my niece is sick and needs him, we can keep you out of the picture for him and I will make something up so he isn't suspicious about her mom not being around.. maybe we can tell that I adopted her or something, I bet our colleague's will help us" Addison said with a smile.

I thought about it for a moment, I have to say that it was a smart idea but one thing bothered me "I don't know if I can do that, I want to be there for Madeline, am I supposed to hide when he is around here? I don't know this is the first time in three weeks that I moved out of her room" I told her "and what about her last name? he will notice" I yawned and looked at the clock "I need to go, I left her room already for to long" I said and I got up

Addison got up from the bed after me and she hugged me once more "I will think about that and everything will be okay, I will come and see her soon. Did she get the port-a-cath already? "

"no she didn't, but they told me they will today" I replied with a faked smile "thank you Addison, for being here for me. You are the best friend I've ever got, even though I broke up your marriage" I smiled a real smile at her this time

Addison laughed "don't worry about that, it was already a lost case before you showed up" she squeezed my hand "I will see about the port-a-cath and about the other thing. Keep strong" she hugged me again and then she walked away from me.

quick I walked to room 109, the room that has turned in my daughters room. I smiled when I noticed her still asleep, glad that she didn't wake up without me being there.  
I walked in and sat down in the chair on the right side of the bed, but not before placing a kiss on her forehead. When I sat down I took her little hand in mine and I stroked it. She looked so fragile right there in that big bed. Her face turned pale already, one of the side effects of the chemo.

At first when I had to explain to Madeline what was going on I was afraid that she would not understand it, but to my surprise she got the fact that she was sick and that she needed heavy treatment to get better. She was such a brave girl. One thing what worried me though was the chemo, Madeline was so proud of her hair, don't ask me why but her hair has always been a thing for her, I just hoped that the chemo won't make her hair fall out but that is a thing we have to see in time.

I see my little girl stir and I know it is just a matter of time before she would wake up.  
I brought her hand to my lips and I kissed it one time, and again, and again..

Her eyes open and she looks at me and I fake a smile, although I'm happy to see her awake! "hey babe" I say and I get up to kiss her on her forehead. "how are you feeling?" I ask her, although I'm not sure if I want to hear the answer

"I'm okay mommy" she told me with a smile, but I knew her to well and I knew she just wanted to be strong for me.

I kissed her forehead again and stroked her beautiful hair "now tell me how you really feel, baby" I said to her

"really I'm okay mommy, feeling better then yesterday" she told me, yesterday she had her chemo cure.

"Okay, I'm glad you are. What do you want for breakfast?"

Madeline's forehead crinkled, which showed me that she was thinking "a sandwich ham and cheese" she smiled, then she looked serious at me "mommy?" she asked me

I smiled at her, not knowing what to expect "what is it dear?"

"I dreamt that daddy will come and save me" she said, like it was nothing "he's a doctor right?"

A tear formed in the corner of my eye, and I swallowed hard "yes he is, but I don't think he will babe. What did he look like in your dreams?" I asked her, curious how she made him look like, since I never showed a picture of him. I told her a few things about him but only small things to know.

"he was superman mom, you know superman saves people" she said while she looked at me like I just asked a stupid question.

I giggled and smiled at her "I forgot babe" I joked before getting up "I'm going to get you something to eat" I said as I noticed Addison coming into the room.

**xx-natasja-xx**

to be continued soon…  
Please review. 


	9. Daddy is superman, he saves people

**Chapter 9: Daddy is superman, he saves people**

Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter, and welcome to the new readers/followers.

**Here is the new chapter, hope you like it**.

p.s I finally made and uploaded a cover picture, it doesn't show all of it but the important part of it is shown.. now you know how Madeline should look like =)

so what do you think of it?

**xx-natasja-xx**

When I walked back in the room I saw my little girl chatting with Addison, I'm glad that Addison just went in the room when I went to get some food for my baby.

"hi lady's" I smiled at them as I walked in the room. I headed over to Madeline her bed and placed the tray with food on her lap. Then I kissed her forehead once again. "here you go" I say to her with a smile

"don't you eat with me?" Madeline asks me with a sad look in her eyes

I squeeze her hand "sorry baby, but I'm not hungry I ate something when you were sleeping" I lied to her, real story is that I just wasn't hungry since I knew she was sick, I had to force myself to eat these days.

"okay mom" she said and she started with her sandwich

"Mer, can I talk to you for a minute?" Addison asked me

I turned to Madeline "Hun, mommy needs to talk to aunt Addie for a moment, when you need me just call I will be here immediately. I will be just outside the door" I tell her and she nods to me in return.

Addison and I walk out the room and shut the door behind us. "what's wrong?" I ask and I am afraid that she has some bad news.

"well.." Addison started ".. the pediatrician can't place the port-a-cath today, but since I don't want to torture her every day I asked the chief if I can't place it. I mean why should we wait if I can do it." She looked up at me "so if you want, then I can do it today?"

I think for a moment "yeah that should be fine.." I sigh

Addison took a step closer towards me and before I know it she hugged me "everything will be fine, I called Seattle and Derek but I couldn't reach him since he was in surgery. I will call him later today again. You can hold her hand when I place the port-a-cath, since she only will be put under local anesthesia" she said when she stepped a step back again.

"okay" I sigh not happy about my daughter needing to be in 'surgery' again "I'm glad to have you around, I wouldn't know what to do without you. I think I would go insane" I said

Addison giggled "oh you already are" she joked trying to cheer me up "I'm glad I can be here for you. if you told me 6 years ago that I would become friends with you, I would have laughed at you in your face" she smiled "I never hated you though, and I'm glad I got to know you because you are an awesome friend to me. I think you're not even a friend anymore, your more like my sister from another mother" she smiled

Tears made their way out of my eyes once again, I have to say that I'm an emotional wreck these days. "Thank you, the same counts for me!" I said with a smile "well lets go back to my little girl" I said as I started to walk towards the door again.

**xx-natasja-xx  
**  
Two weeks later:

I sigh as I overlooked the just made CT-scan "it's still too big" I say to Addison who is by my side again, the last weeks she spend more time at the hospital with me then at the clinic. She had requested more working hours on the hospital.

"I'm sorry Mer" Addison said as she placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it comforting

"She will need more chemo, I had hoped that a month would do a lot on the tumor.. I mean she is just a kid and she only is getting sicker these last days." The week and a half Madeline had lots of problems to keep her food in her stomach. Normal food would come out right away so she was pot on tube feeding.

"No kid deserves it, but it sure is hard to see Madeline like this" Addison said while rubbing her stomach.

"Derek is coming today…" I've said and I sighed once more "I'm afraid Addison, he can't see me before the surgery but the tumor is still too big so he has to come back another day I guess." I took a deep breath in " but what if he decides to stay, I can't handle that. I want to be with my little girl, I need to be with my baby girl" I look up at Addison "what if she tells him her last name is grey, what if she tells him I'm her mother"

Addison smiled a comforting smile at me "I will be with her all the time, I will tell her that you have the flu and are sick. She knows that no one who is sick may be with her, because she will get sicker then. I will tell her that she shouldn't mention your name and her last name, just because otherwise the whole hospital press will be over her then since you are a good known surgeon" she squeezed my shoulder once again "it will be fine, I will text you when he left. Just go home get some rest, I'm with her"

"it's hard to leave her, to lie to her about this.. but if I want Derek to proceed the surgery I just have to go with it.. but please keep me updated" I said, while this whole thing was killing me already.

" I will" Addison assured me. I handed Addison the ct-scan and I left the room to head towards the room that held my daughter.  
When I arrived in her room, I noticed that she was asleep. Another side effect of the chemo. I sighed and kissed her on her cheek quickly. Taking a look on my watch I noticed that I better should go before Derek arrived.. with an ache in my heart I kissed her again "mommy will be back asap babe" I whispered before leaving her room.

**xx-natasja-xx**

No pov:

"Hi Derek" Addison said as she hugged him "how are you?"

Derek hugged her back "Addison!" he said "yeah I'm okay, how about you?" he let her go and he looked at her "you look tired"

"I am good, making a lot of hours the last couple of weeks. Also being around a lot for the little girl you come for. Her mother has the flu at the moment so she can't be around so I'm here instead of her" Addison replied

"So this little girl you called me for, you are her aunt?" Derek asked her

Addison smiled at him "yeah I am, well not official but her mother is my best friend and well I've been around all the time. Her mother is like a sister from another mother" Addison said with a giggle "how are you, back on the road again or still a happy single?"

Derek smiled a weak smile "still single, had some romances but they weren't what I was searching for. How about you? its been like ages since we last spoke, I must say that I miss our talks, you were like my best friend all these years."

"I miss you too, but to answer your question. I'm engaged to Jake who works at the clinic and I didn't tell anyone yet but we are expecting our first baby. It's still fresh but yeah I am expecting" Addison said while a big grin flashed her face

"well congratulations" Derek said as he hugged her "you must be very happy, I know how bad you wanted a baby"

"yeah I am, when I heard I only had one egg left I thought that I never would get pregnant. So it really came to a surprise to both of us.. its sad though that I couldn't share my happiness with someone else, I mean with Madeline and the cancer"

"yeah I understand, so this Madeline, you started treatment? How is that going?" he asked her as they walked towards Addison her office.

"well yeah our doctors started a month ago with chemo three times a week. We've had a ct-scan done today but the tumor looks still too big to operate on. " Addison said, when they arrived at her office she opened the doors and let him in. She walked over towards her desk and got the ct from it. She held it up and showed it in the lights of the lamp.

Derek took the ct from her "hmm.. yes it still looks too big to operate, I can try but the risks are to big so I rather continue treatment for a couple weeks and operate on her when it is smaller. She is five right?" He asked her

"Yes we thought so already, and yes she is five" Addison answered him while she grabbed Madeline her chart. She also picked up her glasses from the desk and put them on. She handed Derek the chart

Derek opened the chart and started reading "I suppose I can increase the amount of chemo in a week, and maybe some medication next to it. But to be sure I need to see her myself and do some tests. I read her that her mother is a single parent but I don't read anything about the father, is he in the picture? Because if he is I need a signature from him before I can actually operate or increase medication since Madeline is a child" Derek said, which made Addison nervous

"No the father isn't in the picture, it's the mother alone. Madeline doesn't know her dad so you better shouldn't talk to her about a father. The mother has signed all the papers and told me that if I knew more I could call her and then she would tell me if she is okay with it. I can sign the paper then"

"that's alright with me" Derek said "so can you show me her room? Can I test her now or has she a chemo cure today?"

Addison opened the door "you can see her now, I will walk you to her room" Addison said as she started walking towards Madeline her room.

She stopped in front of the door "so here it is" she said as she took a deep breath. She knocked once on the door before walking in "hi babe, how are you?" she asked Madeline when she walked over to her. She gave Madeline a kiss on the cheek and looked her into her eye "Madeline this is Dr. Shepherd, he is here to do some tests today so he can make you better"

Madeline nodded and looked at Derek "Hello Dr. I'm Madeline and I hope you can make me better" she said which made Addison tear up

"well hello Madeline" Derek said as he shook her hand "I promise you I will do everything I can to make you better" he said

"where is mommy?" Madeline asked Addison while she looked around, searching for her mother

Addison took her hand "I send mommy home, she has a flu and we don't want her to make you sick" Addison explained and got a nod in response from Madeline

"okay" Madeline said softy while her face went sad.

"well Madeline, can you tell me how you feel today?" Derek asked, noticing that the little girl in front of him looked very pale and fragile

Madeline shrugged her shoulders "I'm tired, I want to sleep" she answered

"I understand, how about nausea? How is that?" he asked her while he looked at Addison, expecting an answer from Addison

Addison quickly spoke before Madeline could "well that has been an issue hasn't it?" she squeezed Madeline her hand who simply nodded "she couldn't keep any food inside anymore, even though she is on medicine to keep the nausea lowered.. Anyway we gave her a feeding tube which goes a little better but she still doesn't keep it all inside and she loses a lot of weight. She always has been a fragile girl, just like her mother but I actually could caunt her ribs last week" Addison said

Derek looked with sympathy at Addison, knowing that this probably was a hard time for her. He could notice that Addison was very attached to this kid, and her mother. "alright thank you.. Madeline can I do some test?" He asked her

Madeline nodded

Derek took his flashlight from his pocket "I have a flashlight here, I'm going to test your eyes. So is you could follow the light" he said as he turned on the light "up.. down.. left and right.. good job. Thank you" Derek said with a smile and he started to write some things down

"why do you write so much?" Madeline asked him

Derek looked up at her with his big smile "well if I want to make you better I need to write as many as I could down, so I don't forget something"

"I dreamt that daddy would make me better, he is superman he saves people" Madeline said as she looked down at the bed "do you know superman?"

Derek laughed "no sorry I don't know him, but yes superman saves a lot of people. He is very busy so that's why we help him and am I here to help you. is that alright with you?" He asked her while he smiled at her

"I guess so" Madeline said as she nodded a yes

Addison watched the whole thing happen and could only imagine what a great dad he would be for Madeline.

**xx-natasja-xx**

alright I wanted a filler chapter before the actual surgery, I wanted a little Madeline and Derek chat.  
I have to say that I'm not 100% happy how this chapter turned out to be.. but I will make it up to you in the next chapter

please review?


	10. Surgery

**Chapter 10: surgery**

well her is chapter 10, please review!

xx-Natasja-xx 

Three weeks later Derek came back to LA. He had seen the newest scan's trough the email and he decided that it was time to cut the tumor out.

When he arrived at the hospital he was surprised to see Addison there again, alone.  
Again Madeline her mother wasn't with her daughter. He kept thinking about it and couldn't understand why a mother would leave her daughter alone in this situation and especially on the day of the surgery itself.

"Hi Madeline" he said when he walked into the room. When he walked in he was shocked at the sight in front of him. Madeline was so pale and tiny from the chemo. He had decided the last time he visited to give her chemo every day. The little child in front of him smiled a weak smile which he returned with his big McDreamy smile.

"How are you feeling today?" He asked her, while he walked over to Addison and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Madeline shrugged "you are going to make me better today, aren't you?" she asked as she looked up from him at Addison

Addison smiled at Madeline "yes baby he is"

"okay then" Madeline answered tired, but fear kicked in. she tried to keep the tears away but she didn't succeed, and a minute later she was sobbing in Addison her arms.

"shhht, everything is going to be okay" Addison assured her

Derek walked over to the little girl, he didn't know what it was but something about Madeline made him have a weak spot for her. Normally he could stay very professional but this time he couldn't. "I promise I will do everything that I can to make you better" Derek told the little blonde haired girl while he stroked her arm

Madeline sobbed as she looked up at Addison "I want mommy" she said while she cried in Addison her arms

"shhht" Addison said once again while she rubbed Madeline her back "mommy will be here after the surgery, she told you right?" she said while Madeline nodded her head In agreement.

"still I want mommy here" she sobbed

Addison wiped away the little girl's tears "why don't we call your mommy?" she suggested

Madeline smiled "yeah can I?" she asked and Addison got out her cellphone and dialed Meredith her number

_"Hai" Meredith answered the phone on the other side of the line, she had noticed that It was Addison calling. "is everything okay?" she asked worried_

"Hey, no everything is okay. There is just a little girl who wants to talk to you before surgery" Addison smiled as she handed the phone to Madeline.

Madeline took the phone from Addison "mommy?" she asked while she still cried a little bit "I am scared" She told her mother

_"Ow baby, don't worry about a thing! Everything will be alright, you have the best doctor in the world who is going to make you better!" Meredith sighed and took a deep breath "I am sorry that I can't be with you right now, but mommy loves you and will be there with you when you come out of surgery. I promise baby! I just can't be there right now"_

"I miss you mommy" Madeline said while she yawned

_"I know baby, I miss you too! Now be good and listen to Addison and Derek. I love you and everything will be okay" Meredith said knowing that Derek was probably in the room with Madeline and she couldn't have him hear her voice. "I need to go now baby girl, I love you"_

"I love you too mommy" Madeline said sad, not wanting to hang up yet "bye mommy"

_"Bye, see you after surgery" Meredith said while tears were streaming over her cheeks._

"Hey, we will take her into surgery soon, everything will be okay! I promise you I will be there the whole time. I see you after surgery okay?" Addison said as she had took over the phone from Madeline

_Meredith sniffled "yeah, thank you for doing this Addison" she said as her voice croaked_

"aww, everything will be fine. Don't worry to much okay? I will keep you updated through texting okay?" Addison told her friend. "Okay I really got to hang up now, see you after the surgery okay?

Meredith and Addison said their goodbyes and Addison turned to Madeline "mommy is very sad that she can't be with you right now, but she is very proud of you" she told the little girl.

Madeline nodded and Derek looked up at Addison "I think it is time" He said and Addison nodded.

**xx-natasja-xx**

Madeline her surgery was success full, Derek had managed to get everything of the tumor out. He was standing at the end of her bed as he was looking over the chart and talking to Addison. Madeline was still asleep and should have to wake up every moment.

Meredith walked in the hospital, searching for her little baby. She knew that once she would be in her room her secret for Derek would be out, but right now she didn't care about that. She just needed to hold her little girl. Meredith had got a text from Addison that everything went okay, but that Madeline had coded once and Meredith felt even worse for not being there. It had killed her not to be there with Madeline but she hoped that she could make it up with Madeline and that she wouldn't be mad at her.

When she found the room she ran in and walked over to her baby girl "ow Maddie, I'm sorry I couldn't be there" she cried as she grabbed the little girls hand and kissed it multiple times "mommy is so sorry" she sobbed

Addison walked over to Meredith and pulled her in a hug, trying to comfort her

"I'm such a bad mother" Meredith cried in Addison her shoulder and Addison told her that she wasn't and that it was just the circumstances that messed her plans up.

When Meredith calmed down a bit she noticed another presence in the room.  
She looked up and her eyes were met with Derek's who was looking at her in awe now, not understanding a thing what was happening right now.

only thing he knew that Meredith looked worse, she was even skinnier than in Seattle, her hair was a mess, her eyes were blood drained probably from all the crying and she just looked so tired and fragile. He still loved her but apparently she moved on and had a child from someone else now.

"Derek" Meredith gasped, she didn't even knew he was in the room.

"Meredith!?" Derek asked, not understanding a thing.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

will be continued soon!  
reviews please? 

__


	11. We need to talk

**Chapter 11: We need to talk**

**OMG thank you all for all the lovely reviews, the followings and favorites on my story!**  
**Thank you! you are the reason I write.**

**xx-natasja-xx**

Meredith didn't hesitate for a moment before she walked up to Derek and wrapped her arms around him "thank you for saving my daughter" she said and she knew that she had a lot to explain to him..

Derek actually enjoyed having her back in his arms, but that was something he wouldn't mention anytime soon "wait, Madeline is your daughter?" he asked when they pulled apart

Meredith nodded "yeah she is, thank you for doing the surgery" she said with a smile "I'm sorry for lying to you that she was mine, although I didn't lie because we agreed that Addison just wouldn't mention it.. but we all know you are the best in the field and I couldn't operate myself, didn't even want to. And yeah because we have a past together we thought it would be the best to tell you after.. and I think we need to talk" Meredith rambled

Derek grinned "well you still ramble" he said "and I think I completely lost you here, so yeah I think we need to talk because it has been 6 years since you left and I still don't really know why" he answered

"I'm sorry" Meredith said

"mommy?" Madeline asked with a hoarse voice

Meredith walked back to the bed "hey babe, how are you feeling?" she asked Madeline while she kissed her on her forehead

"I have a little headache" she said "did it go well? Am I better now?" she asked as she looked up at her mother

Derek stepped forwards "I took all of it out, the headache is just from the surgery but I will make sure that you get something for that. As for the being better, yes you are, but I want you have a checkup once a year to make sure that it doesn't come back alright?" he asked her with a big smile

"yeah I suppose" Madeline grinned back at him before turning to Meredith "mommy he is just like daddy a superman because he saves people" She smiled

Meredith nodded awkward and blushed a bit "yes he is, isn't he baby"

**xx-natasja-xx**

"it's just so weird to see him around my little girl, to see him here" Meredith told Addison when they were eating lunch together.

"yeah I suppose it is, I mean you didn't see him for 6 years and back there he lied to you. And now he is here and met your daughter." She said as she took a sip of her juice "What are you going to tell him?"

Meredith shrugged her shoulders "I really don't know. I want Madeline to know her father but I'm not sure if I am ready for him being in our lives. He lied to me, he hurt me" she said sadly

Addison sqeeuzed Meredith her hand "it will work out just fine, you only need to decide what you want. Derek will be gone soon and then you don't have to see him anymore. Or you decide to let him in and let him be a dad for Madeline and you will see how it works out. I mean he is back in Seattle and you are here so it will be a distant thingy in the begin and then you always can decide what you really want. Just think about it and talk to him. Addison told her best friend/sister

"Thank you Addison, for everything I mean" she said with a smile "I guess I will talk to him tonight, can you watch Madeline then for me? "

"sure I can" She smiled

**xx-natasja-xx**

That evening.

Meredith was nervously pacing around in her living room while waiting for Derek to arrive. They decided that they needed to talk to each other and Meredith suggested to do it after a dinner at her place. Derek knowing that she couldn't cook that well suggested to get some Chinese and bring it with him.  
Now she was waiting for him to arrive.. she jumped when the doorbell rang and she walked towards the door to open it for him. "hi"

"Hey" Derek said as he gave her a kiss on her cheek "lovely home" he said referring to the front sight of it

"thank you" Meredith smiled "it's a great home, and guess who's my neighbor" she smiled "Addison"

"the world seems small" he grinned before following her inside. "I brought Chinese" he said awkward

"I noticed, thank you" Meredith said as she lead him towards the living room "you want to eat inside or outside?" she asked him, knowing that he was an outside person.

"I really don't mind, maybe inside is better since we want to talk" he shrugged

"that's fine with me" Meredith smiled and she walked towards the dining table. "if you put it on the table I will get us something to drink, is water alright?"

"its perfect" he smiled, happy to be around her again

They ate their dinner and after that they went towards the couch.  
When Meredith went to get both of them a drink he walked towards a dresser with some pictures placed on it, it were pictures from a pregnant Meredith with Addison, Meredith alone, Meredith holding a baby Madeline and Madeline and Meredith around the age they were now. He picked up the one from Madeline as a baby in Meredith her arms and he smiled at it.

"she was just born right there" Meredith who stood beside him now, smiled at him

"it's a good picture" he said before he took the beer from her and sat down at the couch again. Meredith sat down next to him, turning to face him.

"so how are you?" Meredith asked him

"I'm good, busy with the work. I've just finished a clinical trial and I became friends with Mark again, the man who Addison cheated on with me" he said.

"yeah I know Mark, I've seen him once or twice" she smiled "he did some cases at the hospital here" she quickly added.

"yeah I know he has been here, he just never told me about you or Addison for god's sake" He said while he wondered why that was

"yeah I asked them not to.. I just wasn't ready.. You really hurt me Derek" Meredith said quietly

Derek took her hand in his "I know and I am really sorry for doing that to you.. I just needed to give my marriage another change but we failed.. how did you became friends with Addison?"

"well I was pregnant and needed a ob., then it a paired that Addison was the new ob. since our last one just quit. She stood by my side during my pregnancy and we just became friends" Meredith smiled at him, while she really liked being around him again, even though he hurt her in the past she still had feelings for him

"that's great, and the father he isn't in the picture?" he asked her

"euhm.. no he isn't" she took a deep breath and took his hands in her "promise me that you don't get mad, but you are the father.. I found out that I was pregnant before I left. I wanted to tell you that evening but Addison showed up. I couldn't ruin your marriage with a love child so I left. Then I met Addison here and I doubted about going back but I decided to stay here. I'm sorry" Meredith said while tears started to flow

"I'm.. I'm.. I'm her father?" he asked disbelieving

"yes you are, I'm sorry for not telling you before" Meredith said through tears

"so I just operated on my own child? The child you kept from me for five years?" Derek asked angry while he got up "I need… I need to think" he said before walking out the house.

Meredith watched him get angry and leaving the house. When he closed the door behind him she broke down in sobs.

**xx-natasja-xx**

**will be continued soon xxx**

**In the meanwhile review please?**


	12. Finally

**Chapter 12: Finally**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews **

**xx-natasja-xx**

"So he just ran?" Addison asked Meredith on the other side of the line.

Meredith was still in tears when she answered her "yeah, I blurted it out Addison, I didn't mean to tell It this way. He just ran and I don't know what to do now.. I mean I still love him all these feelings for him came back today but.." she sighed "I don't know if I'm ready to let him in again, and now he just ran and I don't know where he went." She said as she wiped away some tears.

Addison chuckled "that's typical a thing for you to do, just blurt out that he has a child.. Anyways I will text him that if he is ready to talk that he should come to you in 30 minutes. Doesn't he come back in that time just come here to Madeline, who is asleep btw" she smiled a reassuring smile, although Meredith couldn't see that trough the phone.

"Thank you Addison, give her a kiss for me" Meredith said before she hung up the phone. She sighed as she walked towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. She figured out that Addison her option was the best.

after 15 minutes of waiting on the couch the doorbell rang, Meredith quickly got up and she ran to the door.

"I'm sorry for running" Derek said apologizing "can I come in?" he asked her

"Sure" Meredith answered him as she opened the door a little more for him. "I'm sorry Derek, for blurting it out like that and keeping it hidden for you." Meredith told him as they sat down on the couch again.

"you know, if you just had told me that you were pregnant, we could have been a family" he sighed

Meredith looked up at him and saw a tear making their way down over his cheek, she stroked it away as she continued looking at him "I thought at that time that running was the best, you hurt me and I just couldn't ruin your marriage by having a child. You and Addison needed a second chance you know" she told him while she waited for his response

"I just missed so much of her life already" he sighed "I really want to be her father Meredith, so please let me in in your lives" he begged her as he took her hands in his, he brought them to his lips and kissed them softly "I know I screwed up back in Seattle, but I can't change things now. I'm so sorry for hurting you Meredith, and please try to forgive me and give me a second chance. I'm still in love with you Meredith" he added

Meredith her eyes became teary "I still love you Derek, and yes we will try, but I'm still a little hurt and mad" She giggled

Derek smiled at her before moving his hands to her face, and kissing her softly "I promise I will do everything to make it up to you" he said with a smile

Meredith returned the kiss before looking up at him "you want to know your daughter?" she asked him, already knowing the answer

Derek nodded a yes at her, and Meredith filled him in about Madeline and showed him the pregnancy diary and pictures of the first year.

**xx-natasja-xx**

Meredith and Derek walked in the hospital room together. Addison fell asleep while Madeline was awake again. Meredith flashed her little girl a big smile before walking over towards her and giving her a kiss on her cheek. "hi how are you feeling?" she quietly asked her daughter, while trying not to wake up Addison

"I'm feeling good mommy, when can I go home and play again?" she asked her mother as she noticed Derek in the room "doctor Derek" she smiled at him

Meredith brushed away a hair from her face "well let's ask Derek that, but first I will make aunt Addison go home" she smiled at her

Madeline nodded as she watched her mother wake up her aunt.

"Addison, go home and take a decent sleep" Meredith said as Addison woke up. "thank you for all your help" she added while she hugged her

Addison returned the hug "anytime" she smiled before breaking up the hug and walking towards her niece "take care of yourself little one" she smiled as she kissed her on the cheek "I will see you tomorrow again" she said before nodding a polite nod to Derek and leaving the room.

Derek sat down on the right side of the bed, while Meredith did the same on the left side of the bed.

Derek smiled at her as he took her hand in his "Well I think you will need to stay a couple days more, since you've had a heavy treatment. I just want to make sure that you are perfectly fine when you go home" he smiled at his daughter

"Ow" Madeline said sad, wanting to go home badly

"Madeline, do you remember what I told you about your daddy?" Meredith asked her little girl

Madeline thought about it for a moment before nodding a yes "yeah you told me that he didn't know he has a baby, because you didn't tell him, because he was too busy saving everyone's lives like superman" she happy said, proud that she remembered

"Madeline, what would you say when I tell you that Derek is your daddy?" Meredith asked while she stroked her daughters hair.

Madeline smiled happily "he is?" she asked unbelieving it.

Derek smiled at his daughter "yeah I am baby" he said as he took her hand.  
Before he knew it Madeline rushed over to him, luckily not taking any cables out, and hugged him "finally I have a daddy" she smiled

**xx-natasja-xx**

**short I know, but next one will be more Madeline Derek.**


	13. Stay

**Chapter 12. Stay.**

Thank you for the reviews! They keep me going.  
I'm sorry for not updating for such a long time! I've been busy and had some serious problems writing this chapter!

xx-Natasja-xx

"How are we going to do this?" Meredith asked Derek three weeks later, when they both stood for the window watching Madeline playing outside in the garden, she wasn't allowed to go on the beach without her parents.

Derek turned to face Meredith "Well how about.. I quit my job back at Seattle, take the chance to get a job here and move here. That way I can be here for her and for you and you can stay here, I mean look at what you achieved here" he smiled at her

Meredith smiled back "I think I love the idea. I love it here in LA so I really don't want to go back to Seattle. I.. we have a wonderful live here" she smiled as she looked up at Derek "and I want you to be a part of it" she admitted, before standing up on her toes and brushing her lips against his softly.

Derek took her face in his hands before kissing her back, their tongues begging for the entrance in the mouth from the other, before starting to play a game with each other. When they both were out of air they pulled apart from each other.

"I missed you" Derek told her, and a smile crossed her face

"me too" she answered and she lay her head on his shoulder, while he hold her they continued to stay that way until Madeline came inside.

"Daddy play with me" she said hopeful while looking at her father, when Derek just watched her with a big smile on his face, she battled her eyelashes "please?" she then added as she pouted her lips.

Derek chuckled "sure I will baby" he said as he picked her up and lay her on his shoulder.

Madeline laughed "daddy stop, put me down" she said pleading, but Derek didn't listen and started to make rounds. A couple minutes later he put her down, a big smile on his face and Madeline laughing out loud.

"so what do you want to play?" Derek asked her

Madeline thought about it for a moment, a crinkle formed in her forehead "I eum.. eum.. tea time" she said with a smile, being exited

Meredith smiled at Derek, wondering how he would save himself from that one.

"that's okay, but only if mommy will join us to" Derek told Madeline with a smile

"yay, please mommy" Madeline jumped in front of her

"sure babe, just go ahead and set everything up in your room. I will see if I can find some real cookies and something to drink for in the cups" she said and watched Madeline hurry off.

"I will help you" Derek said, pulling her close to him and stealing another kiss from her.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

Later that evening Meredith and Derek both were sat on the couch, Meredith had her head on Derek his chest as they watched tv.

"I can't believe Addison didn't tell me" Meredith muttered

Derek looked down at her "She didn't tell you because she thought it would be strange to tell you while Madeline was sick" He told her as he stroked her arm.

Meredith sighed "I know but she could tell me after.. she just told me today" she said annoyed by the fact that Derek knew already. "I am happy for her, don't get me wrong, but she is my person now. She is supposed to tell me first"

Derek grinned before placing a kiss on her hair. "But she did tell you" he said

Meredith looked up at him "I know" she said with a smile before turning herself so that she could kiss him.

"it's getting late" Derek said "I should go to my hotel room"

"No its okay, you should stay" Meredith said with a big smile, before getting up and reaching her hand out for his. Derek took it and Meredith led him towards her bedroom.

"I've missed you" she said before crashing her lips on his, he returned the kiss hungrily and it didn't take long before all their clothes were flying through the room.  
They made sweet love with eachother.

**xx-Natasja-xx  
Not my best I know.. but review? **


	14. Birthday girl

**Chapter 14. Birthday girl.**

**xx-natasja-xx**

"mommy, Daddy wake up" Madeline said as she jumped onto Meredith's and Derek's bed. Six months has passed since the surgery and today Madeline turned 7 years.

Derek groaned before hiding his head underneath the pillow.

"no more sleeping daddy" Madeline laughed as she removed his pillow and crawled onto his back "it's my birthday daddy, my first birthday I can celebrate with you" she said with a smile

Meredith opened her eyes and smiled at the sight of Madeline and Derek on the other side of the bed. What Madeline couldn't see, but Meredith could, was the huge smile on Derek his face. "Good morning" Meredith smiled "I can't believe you are seven already!" Meredith said, and she really couldn't believe that time had fly so quickly.. six birthdays she spent with Madeline, wishing Derek was there, but today he was.

"mommy" Madeline smiled as she leaned forwards her and gave her mother a kiss

"happy birthday babe" Meredith said "why don't you wake up your daddy, so he can make you some waffles for breakfast, while I take a quick shower" Meredith told her daughter with a smile on his face.

A big smile crossed on Madeline her face "Ohh I love daddy's waffles" she exclaimed as she started to tickle Derek. "daddy wake up" she said laughing. Suddenly she was in Derek his arms, who had taken the opportunity to grab her and turn her so that she was in his arms lying next to him. He tickled her while she laughed out loud and begged him to stop.

"Happy birthday baby girl" Derek said as he kissed her cheek.

Madeline wrapped her arms in front of her and looked at him with a serious facial expression "I'm seven now daddy, I'm not a baby" she explained to her father who started giggling.

"I'm sorry Maddie" Derek said "so what do you want for breakfast? I can get you some cereal with milk" Derek joked

Madeline quickly got up from the bed, pulling on Derek's arm "no Mommy said you would make me some waffles"

Derek slowly got out of the bed and put on a sweat shirt, before grabbing Madeline her hand "let's get some breakfast then"

"and presents?" Madeline asked him shyly

Derek chuckled "and some presents after breakfast!, are you excited for your birthday party this afternoon?"

"I am, it is going to be great! I'm so happy that all my best friends could come this afternoon! Will Addison also be there?"

Derek smiled as they arrived in the kitchen "I think she will come for a visit, but I don't think she will be there the whole afternoon though" Derek explained as Madeline took her seat at the chair while Derek started to get the things for the waffles.

Madeline nodded "because of the baby right?"

"Yeah, because of the baby" Derek smiled..

Derek had just finished the last waffle as Meredith arrived in the kitchen. "hmm what is that nice smell in here?" she asked

"twatttt awe doddies wables" madeline answered with her mouth full, earning a chuckle from both Meredith and Derek.

"Oh" Meredith smiled as she took a step towards Derek, she quickly pecked his lips "congratulations with your daughter" she said, knowing that this birthday would be very special for all three of them.

**xx-Natasja-xx**

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Madeline, happy birthday to you" Meredith and Derek sang when they walked in the living room with wrapped presents.

"here you go" Derek said as he handed Madeline the first present

Madeline took it smiling and quickly unwrapped it, revealing a little bleu box. She opened the lid and was met with a sight of cotton, between the cotton a silver charm bracelet was slightly noticeable. She took it out and started to look at the charms. There was a charm from flip-flops because of the beach, one from a heart, because Meredith and Derek loved her, one from a stethoscope, one superman cape because Madeline always had said that her daddy is a superman, one horseshoe for Madeline her love for horses and one of a ladybug. There still were some empty spaces on the bracelet.

"I love it daddy" Madeline said as she gave her dad a hug "Thank you" she said as she hugged Meredith "can you put it on?" She asked Meredith who took the bracelet from her and placed it around her wrist.

"we can buy some other charms in the future together" Derek explained the empty spaces.

Madeline her face lit up "really?" she asked

"yeah really silly girl" Derek said with a chuckle.

They continued unwrapping the other gifts Meredith and Derek got for her. Containing; a new purple bike, new outfits, new shoes, new jewelry matching the outfits (which Addison helped to pick out), some toys, books and a new riding outfit for her riding lessons. Yeah they knew they did it over the top, but it was Derek his first birthday with his little girl after all.

"Only one more present to go" Derek said with a smile as he went to the hallway.

"close your eyes hun" Meredith said, as Derek walked back into the room. He placed a little box on Madeline's lap and took a step backwards. Wrapping his arm around Meredith he smiled at her "You can open your eyes now" Meredith said as she watched Madeline do so.

Madeline took a look at the weird box, it was a box with little holes in it, and the gift wasn't wrapped. She slowly opened the lid of the box and it revealed a furry Birman kitten. Madeline shrieked of joy as she got the little kitten out.

"Thank you,thank you" She said as she played and cuddled with her kitten.

"anything for you" Meredith said with a smile "it's a girl, so you could start thinking of a name for her" she said with a smile, and she couldn't be more curious to find out what name Madeline would make up for the kitten.

While Derek went towards the car and took out all the stuff they needed for the kitten, Meredith and Madeline sat on the floor, playing with the kitten.  
He smiled when he walked in the living room again. "did you make up a name yet?" he asked

"Daddy" Madeline said as she stood up with the kitten in her hand "meet Diva"

Derek chuckled and he stroked the cat "that is a beautiful name, it's nice to meet you Diva" he said as he took the little cat's paw and shook it softly.

Madeline started laughing "silly daddy" she said as she shook her head.

**xx_natasja_xx**

Later that evening Meredith and Derek laid satisfied in their bed, Madeline was already asleep, with the kitten next to her in bed. They didn't want it to become a habit but for tonight they made an exception.

"I'm glad she had a great day" Derek said as he spooned Meredith

"Yeah me too, I'm really happy that you were present this year" Meredith smiled at him, though he couldn't see that. She took his arms in her hands and she kissed his arm.

Derek kissed her shoulder "She is a pretty good horseback rider" Derek said, still amazed of how good a seven year old could ride a horse.

Meredith hummed "she is a great girl" she said with a smile. "I can't believe that Addison stayed almost the whole afternoon" Meredith said disbelieving "I mean she is almost due to deliver, and I know that I couldn't bring up the energy for a party at that time."

Derek kissed her shoulder once again "Hmm yeah, but she loves you, and Madeline. When I first arrived here in LA, she told me that the mother from Madeline was like a sister from another mother for her. In Seattle I would never have believed it when you told me that you two would turn out to be best friends"

"It's funny huh" Meredith said with a smile, and a yawn. It didn't take long before her eyes closed and she fell in a satisfied sleep.

**xx_natasja_xx**

Hope you liked the chapter, please review and tell me what you think of it.  
I'm not sure how many chapters I have left of this fanfic.. I think max 5.  
xxx


	15. I'ts a boy

**Chapter 15: It's a boy**

**Thank you for your continuing support! I love every single review you give me! Here is a brand new chapter for you guys, and it is time for some Mer/Addie friendship again..**

**I'm so sorry for not updating for such a long time, I've been busy and has a major writers block while writing this update!**

**xx_natasja_xx  
**  
"Can I see him now?" Madeline asked impatient as she pulled on Meredith her shirt. "Please" She quickly added, knowing that her mother didn't like it when she was whining.

"soon baby, just let aunt Addie rest for a moment" Meredith told her little girl as she sighed. It had been a long night for her. Last night Addison started to have contractions and she called Meredith. Jake still was at work and Addison wanted to share the special moment that Meredith shared with her seven years ago. Meredith just got home, because Addison needed some well deserved rest.

Madeline nodded and sat down for a minute, before jumping up again "Mommy I've waited long enough now, can we go now?" she said, while giving her mother the puppy dog look.

Meredith chuckled "no baby. But why don't you put on your shoes and we will go shopping for the baby, we can't visit without a gift right?" she smiled as she said that, knowing that her little girl loved shopping.

"yay, yay" Madeline squeaked of joy before running towards her bedroom.

**xx_Natasja_xx**

"what are we searching for mommy?" Madeline asked as they stood in front of some baby outfits. "aren't these to small?"

Meredith grinned "no baby, remember that baby's are small? And not so big as you?" Madeline nodded "well they need really tiny clothes, you've worn them too" she said

"oww" Madeline said with an amused smile. Her little eyes went through the store when she noticed a cute outfit. She took her mother's hand and pulled her with her towards it. "I like this mommy" she said with a proud smile

Meredith took the outfit in her hands "it's beautiful Maddie, we will takes this one" she said as she placed it in her cart.  
Meredith also chose four other outfits, some toys and other baby stuff.

When they were outside the store Madeline smiled at her mother "mommy?" she asked nicely

"yes Maddie?"

"Can I have a baby brother or sister?" Madeline asked innocent

Meredith almost choked while Madeline asked her this, like you just could buy a baby or something "I don't know hun, that is something your daddy and I should talk about, but not today!"

Madeline showed a disappointed face

"Don't look at me like that, young lady! A baby isn't for sale you know that!" Meredith said, sounding a bit harsher then she meant.

**xx_natasja_xx**

Later that afternoon Meredith and Addison both sat talking on Addison her bed. Meredith with little Thomas in her arms. Madeline already had returned home to Derek after holding the baby. Meredith however decided to stay for a while.

"Gosh, he is beautiful" Meredith said with a huge grin "he is going to be a heartbreaker when he is older" Meredith giggled

Addison smiled "He is.. and please don't remind me, and he will be grounded until he is 40" she grinned

Meredith laughed "same with Madeline" Thomas started to fuss so Meredith handed him back to Addison who started to feed him.

"So how is Madeline doing?" Addison asked Meredith

Meredith let out a breath she didn't know she was holding "She is doing great, although every time she tells me that she has a headache or something else I start to worry again. I think I always will be afraid of the tumor returning" Meredith smiled a weak smile "but she is doing great, she even asked me today if she could have a brother or a sister" Meredith laughed

Addison giggled at that comment "kids, they think they just come by order" she looked down at Thomas who was still nursing " How are things with Derek?"

"Derek and I are doing great, it's like our relationship only became stronger because of everything what happened. He is awesome with Madeline and she turned into a daddy's girl.. Derek is like her god, she worships the ground he walks on" Meredith laughed "I am happy she loves having Derek around."

Addison nodded in agreement "he is a great dad"

"he is" Meredith smiled "I still feel bad for not including him after her birth, but I was hurt and I thought I wouldn't be able to forgive him.. Hell did I know that I never would stop loving him. We've talked a lot and we fully forgave each other.. and according to Madeline her brother or sister, it might happen sooner than expected"

Addison looked up from Thomas "are you pregnant Mer? Wow he does have super sperm doesn't he?, not that I have ever noticed" she joked

A smile crossed Meredith's face "I might be, I'm late" she replied to Addison her question "I've just bought a test today but I'm too nervous to take it, I would love another baby but I just think it will be too soon"

"Well do you have it in your bag right now?" Addison asked before Meredith nodded a yes in return "Well what are you waiting for, bathroom is around the corner, pee on the stick and we will wait for the result together."

Meredith opened her bag and searched for the test, when she found it she got up from the bed and walked towards the bathroom. She nervously took the test out of the package before walking over towards the toilet. A minute later she walked back into the bedroom "well now it's just waiting" she said as she sat down.

"whatever the test says it will be fine" Addison assured her best friend as she noticed that Meredith was nervous. "well lets trade for those four minutes, you get Thomas to hold and I get the test" she smiled knowing that Thomas would distract her from the test.

Meredith did as Addison said and was soon be found talking towards her godson.

When the minutes were over Addison looked at Meredith "Ready?" she asked

"well I'm as ready as I will ever be" Meredith nodded and Addison handed the test to her, Meredith took it with one hand and looked down at it "just as I thought" she muttered while letting out a deep breath.

**xx_Natasja_xx**

**I had a major writersblock while writing this chapter.. its not the best one I've written..**

**Please review?**


	16. Surprises

Chapter 16. Surprises

**xX-Natasja-Xx**

a week later Meredith lay awake in bed, watching Derek sleeping. She just couldn't catch the sleep, so she decided to enjoy just laying besides him. She missed him in bed with her and she couldn't help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world. She has a wonderful kid and boyfriend. She smiled as he let out a slight snore, knowing that she could tease him with it, since he always assures her that he never snores.  
She looked at the alarm clock and noticed that it was only 4.38 am. It would still be a couple hours before any of them had to get up.

Since that Derek joined her in LA. They decided to split her job, so that Meredith could be at home with Madeline when she was out of school the one day and Derek the other. Since there was no job free for Derek they thought that this would be the best option. Of course were there still days they worked together but they both enjoyed the free time to spend together with Madeline or just the two of them.

A loud beeping filled the bedroom and Meredith groaned, she reached over to the nightstand to get her pager. She looked at it and noticed that it wasn't hers.  
In the meantime Derek also woke up from the sound and reached for his "It's mine, go back to sleep Hun" he said as he placed a kiss on her lips "I don't know how long it will take for me until I'm back" he kissed her again "Keep the evening free, I've something planned for the both of us" he said with a big grin, knowing that Meredith never loved surprises as much as he did.

"Okay" Meredith replied and smiled a small smile at him, hating not knowing what he was planning "What do I have to wear? And OMG how am I going to find a babysitter so soon" she asked, knowing that it was hard to get something on such a short notice.

Derek chuckled before kissing her lovingly "I've got that covered already and don't worry about the clothing, I will send someone to help you with that" he chuckled before kissing her one last time and getting out of the bed, he quickly put on his clothes before escaping the room.

He smiled as he closed the door behind him, he couldn't help but loved teasing Meredith. He softly walked over towards Madeline's room and walked in. He stroked her hair before kissing her on her head softly "daddy has to work, be good for mommy" he silently said, not knowing if she even heard him.

He quickly walked out her room, heading towards the 911.

**xx-natasja-xx**

At 2.45 pm Meredith got a message from Derek, telling her that he was caught up with work, and had to perform a surgery soon. The text also told her that someone would pick up Madeline at 5.30 and that someone would come at 5.45 to help her get dressed for the surprise. And that he had something planned at 7pm.

Meredith couldn't help but smile at his message, as much as she didn't like surprises she knew that Derek could plan good surprises. She couldn't believe why he planned it today though.

She spend the whole afternoon playing games with Madeline and doing some laundry. Before she knew it the doorbell rang. She walked over to the door and opened it. "Mark?" what are you doing here? She asked surprised to see Mark back in LA, she thought that he had moved to Seattle a while ago

"It's good to see you too" Mark laughed as he pulled her in a hug "Derek asked me to babysit Madeline tonight"

Meredith looked surprised "he did? Well she is inside I will call her, are you sure you want to babysit her?" Meredith asked with a smile. Mark became a friend of her when he arrived at LA to talk with Addison. Addison and Mark talked things out and Meredith befriend him. Mark knew that Meredith was Derek his ex when he went to Seattle to talk things out with Derek.. He had promised to never tell Derek and he kept his promise. Meredith was happy when she found out that Mark and Derek became good friends again.

"Madeline" Meredith yelled "Uncle Mark is here"

Mark and Meredith laughed when Madeline came running towards him and jumped in his arms "uncle mark" she said as she placed a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

Just a couple minutes later Mark drove away with Madeline and the doorbell rang again. Walking towards the door for the second time that day she smiled when she opened it, curious to find out who was there to help her get dressed.  
When she opened the door it revealed Addison "Hey Mer" she said with a giggle

"Hey" Meredith replied and hugged her friend "since when do you come through the front door?" she asked when realization hit her "Derek told you, didn't he?"

"yes he did" Addison said as she smiled "and he gave me this" she said holding up a bag.

**xx-natasja-xx**

At 7 pm Meredith reached the park, that Derek told her to come. She thanked the cab driver before walking towards him "hey" she smiled as she kissed him on the lips

Derek pulled her closer towards him and kissed her deep "hey" he smiled when he pulled apart. "you look beautiful" He said as he looked at her black knee length dress, he had choses some dresses, shoes and jewelry with Addison the day before to be sure that she had something nice to wear, knowing that Meredith mostly only bought clothes for Madeline instead for herself

"glad you like it" Meredith giggled as they linked arms and Derek lead them towards a picnic place, the park looked beautiful that evening, it was still warm outside and Derek had picked a beautiful spot by a tree with a great view. "wow" Meredith managed to bring out

"it's lovely isn't it?" Derek smiled his mcdreamy smile "I remember you love the park and we didn't visit it yet together, so I wanted to make this just about the two of us.. once without Madeline, just our own memories" he smiled

"I love it" Meredith smiled as she kissed him before sitting down.

Together they talked and eat for a couple hours until the sun went down. "Come on, I want to show you something" Derek said as he took Meredith her hand and lead her towards a hill "look down" he smiled and she did.

When Meredith looked down she could see the beach, but the beach was lighted with candles, saying 'Meredith, will you marry me" Tears formed in her eyes as she looked up at Derek, only to notice that he was on his knees now.

"Meredith, I love you since the hour we met.. When I noticed you in that bar I got lost in your eyes and I never found my way back. I know I hurt you and I'm so happy that you forgave me for missing out on our daughters life. I hate how you went trough everything on your own. But I'm so thankful to be here right now, to be here for you and to be able to love you again. Although I don't think I've ever stopped loving you. It might be too soon, but I don't want to waste more time, you and our little girl are the best thing that ever happened in my life. So Meredith Ellen Grey, would you do me the honor to become my wife?" Derek said while he choked back some tears

Meredith smiled at him while tears streamed over her cheeks "Yes" she said

Derek smiled and quickly stood up, put the ring on her finger and kissed her "I love you" he said with a smile before kissing her deep and intense.

When they broke apart Meredith smiled at him "I love you too, and I've also never stopped loving you, and in a couple months' time you will get the chance to make it up for all the missed diapers" she said as she took his hand and placed it on her belly

**xx-natasja-xx**

Review please? Only one chapter left :(


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